After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful
Infidelity is often the deathblow to a relationship. But it can also be a wake-up call, challenging couples to confront the issues that led to the affair and build a healthier, more intimate relationship than before. As a clinical psychologist who has been treating distressed couples for over 35 years, Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring has found that couples can survive infidelity, provided that both partners are willing to look honestly at themselves and at each other and acquire the skills they need to help themselves through such a shattering crisis.
After the Affair addresses crucial questions of both partners, including:
- Why did the affair happen?
- Once love and trust are gone, can they ever be rekindled?
- How can I – or should I – recommit when I feel so ambivalent?
- How do we get the affair-person out from between the two of us and become sexually intimate again?
- What constitutes an affair in cyberspace?
- Is forgiveness possible? Is it healthy?
For those who are going through the pain, confusion, and anger of an infidelity, After the Affair can help you cope with the raging emotions, make a thoughtful decision about your future, and, if you choose to recommit, reclaim a life together.
“We enter intimate relationships blindly, often effortlessly, swept up with passion and an idealized perception of our partner, often cocky about our ability to keep things hot. Most of us are totally unprepared for what lies ahead, and ignorant of what’s required to last the course…The affair shocks us into reality. Fortunately, it also invites us to try again.”
— from After the Affair
Praise for After the Affair
“After the Affair is the most comprehensive and balanced book I have ever read on the subject. It is ‘must’ reading for any couple who has experienced the violation of trust as a result of an affair.”
— Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Getting the Love You Want
“After the Affair is a wonderful guide for couples who want to reconstruct their relationship after one partner has been unfaithful. In clear, sparkling prose, Dr. Spring explains the sources of infidelity and offers sound, sensible guidelines for mending the relationship.”
— Aaron T. Beck, M.D., author of Love is Never Enough
“Dr. Spring possesses a remarkable combination of clarity, wisdom, spirit, and heart. This is an extremely helpful and healing book – a gift to us all.”
— Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger
“After the Affair is the go-to book for anyone who has been through the hurt and betrayal of infidelity. This is the best guide for both individuals and couples who want to survive an affair and really make their relationships work. It gives clear direction, and it’s hopeful, realistic and beautifully written. The author is the most approachable writer on this subject today. She is current, wise and incredibly understanding.”
– Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., author of The New Monogamy and Getting the Sex You Want
NPR’s Voices In The Family Interview – August 20, 2012
Host Jennifer Lynn interview with guest Janis Spring Ph.D.
NPR’s Voices In The Family, host Jennifer Lynn discusses issues of trust, honesty, and forgiveness after an affair has taken place. Her guest is Janis Spring, Ph.D. who is the author of the completely updated second edition of After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful (2012).